there are so many things i find funny that i shouldn't. the human race nowadays seems to just be there for my entertainment. the way that people act towards one another is just ridiculous. the way people treat each other, the way people treat their significant others, the way people twist and turn things around and try to use it for their benefit no matter what it costs the other person. it really makes you stop and think when someone treats you a certain way, especially if that person is supposed to be a friend.
one thing that has killed me over the past couple of years is one-sided friendships. one where you take all the initiatives to either get together, make plans, whatever it may be, and the other person doesn't really travel their half of the two way road at all! its heartbreaking when you have these realizations and you think to yourself "i thought so & so was a better person than that" or "i really thought he/she had changed". having that thought about a friend is the absolute worst! something equally just as bad is thinking "if i met this person tomorrow not knowing anything about them, would i befriend them?" and if your answer is "no", then what do you do?
well, this would be the part where i would give an answer to that question. unfortunately, i don't have one. it's not easy to drop someone you have been friends with for a long time. even if there is no bad blood, the lack of that persons presence, whether really wanted or not, is always there.
i can, however, share a few *red flags* i have learned over the past few years that may make you aware that your friendship isn't as strong on the other persons end than you may think it is.
-distance: the obvious red flag. when your "friend" is either physically or emotionally distant from you over time. There comes a time when you are so tired of trying to keep your friendship with someone but for no apparent reason they just aren't there anymore. I know people grow apart and go their separate ways. its part of life! but doing that doesn't mean you have to leave your friends behind.
-half-hearted girl talks: (this has happened to me a few times recently and made me question how valuable my friendship is to a certain person.) When your "friend" halfway reaches out to you (and/or your group) and makes it a point to make everyone aware that *something negative* is going on and pulls a "whoa is me" kind of act, you try to be the best friend you can and reach out, but then the other person just doesn't have time to talk, or never calls you back, etc.. after a few days of trying, you just get tired of it and think well if this was that big of a deal, he/she would/will come to me when they need me. and weeks later you are still wondering what happened that was so bad that you made a huge deal out of it in front of everyone but then won't tell what happened after days of "we will have to talk later!". That makes you question if it is yourself that isn't "good" enough or "important" enough to be told or was this whole thing just for attention! either one is a negative answer!
-apologies: when you hurt someone's feelings, especially a good friend, you apologize. period. sometimes we (as in everyone) need a few days to cool down before you speak again. this is a good idea for sure! you never want to say something so horrible or hurtful that ends your friendship and you regret for the rest of your life. words leave an impression much longer than physical pain. but when a "friend" makes comments or statements that hurt your feelings and knows he/she hurt your feelings but never comes back to apologize... red flag. especially if that friend just waits a few days or a week or so then is going to come back and just act like nothing happened... red. freakin. flag. if you love or care about someone, you apologize when you hurt them. end of story. no if's, and's, or but's about it. If you don't get an apology from someone who has hurt you, heed it as a warning and move on and if you allow the person back into your life without speaking of the incident, then tread the water carefully and don't trust that person as far as you can throw them. learned that one in the past few days.
guilt tripping: if a friend needs to guilt trip you on a regular basis to do things for them, red flag. if every time they ask you to do something they throw in a guilt phrase, red flag. guilt tripping people regularly is a horrible habit to have and even a more horrible trait to possess. friends should do things for friends when they can with no questions asked. and if whatever it is cannot be done, a friend should take your word for it, not try to guilt trip you. i have succumbed to this behavior so many times! doing things i didn't really want to do all because someone basically guilt tripped me into it. you should do things for people because you want to and not because they are making you feel so bad for not doing it. and you should respect your friends when you don't get the answer you wanted. when someone does that to me, most of the time, all it ever does is make you feel used! feeling used is a horrible place to be at in a friendship and if thats the way someone is making you feel, step back and check yourself. that is not a friendship to be in and you should not waste any more time doing anything for someone who doesn't appreciate what you do but only lays on what you don't or can't do. that is such a horrible feeling that it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it happening to me.
current events: when you know a lot about what is going on in your "friends" life, but realize they really havent a clue about a certain few situations going on in your own life that ordinarily a friend should know, red flag! this is another example of friends traveling on the two way street of friendship and one isn't doing his or her traveling. everyone needs friends they can run to when things start getting dark. and props to you if you can help lighten their world! but when you realize how much light you are bringing while you world is still dark and that person really has not shown any interest in what's going on with you, be careful! this is a very fast way to get your feelings hurt.
basically it all comes down to this: if you are in a friendship with someone, you both work on the friendship and meet in the middle. if the other person in this relationship isn't meeting you in the middle, run. if you stick around, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, getting your feelings hurt, etc. etc. etc.
aaaaaaaaand i'm over it! :) hope everyone has a great weekend!
Until then,
megan
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