Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving Week! :)

I love this time of year. I love spending time with my family! I love the good food! i love reminiscing of old times! And this year I have so much to be thankful for!

After 5 years together, I feel like the wind is finally blowing in the same direction as Joey and I. We've hit roadblocks along the way. We have had to back track. but one thing i am super proud of is the fact that in 5 years, we have never once broken up. I know joey is my soulmate and I can't wait to see what the journey of life throws our way in the future because I know we can tackle it together! :) This year I am so thankful for the love of my life!

Looking back over this year and thinking about the natural disasters and the wars that have happened between countries, etc., I am very much blessed to be safe with a roof over my head and be united with family! Its awful to imagine what so many are currently going through (in the NE for example) as they are trying to rebuild their lives and grieve for loved ones lost in the hurricane. I can't imagine not having any family around the holidays and my heart breaks for those whom are alone or homeless. Be thankful for what you have, no matter how big or small, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Although things have been going very well for me lately, Thursday November 22, 2012 (Thanksgiving Day) is actually kind of a hard day to be thankful for me. November 22 would be Lauren Witty's 27th birthday. Lauren died in May of 2009, but it seems like yesterday. It's hard to imagine that another year has gone by without Witty. How can you be thankful on a day like this when your best friend is not here and in your eyes she should be. This day is all about giving thanks, but it's hard to let go of the anger that still surfaces occasionally. However, i know my life was blessed by being able to know her. Witty was a positive influence on anyone and everyone she met. She was one of the most amazing people, one of those "special ones" that don't come around that often. So this year, while the day may be hard, I will try to be more thankful for having known her than more angry that she is gone so soon. 

I Love you, Lauren Witty! I'll miss you every day until the day we meet again.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.


"When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Ans everywhere I am
There you'll be.. "

Faith Hill - There You'll Be

 

Oh, you thought that hurt me?

sometimes things happen so unexpectedly that when you look back on it, it almost feels as if it were a dream.. or in some cases, a nightmare!

but sometimes those nightmares are really blessings in disguise! and recently, i can say that i am thankful for some of the nightmares that have occurred recently!!

in other news:

For future references, let me give you a few phrases that A) don't hurt me B) show immaturity & C) can make for a wonderful laugh later!

-oh, so you thought you hurt me when ______ ? 

*you called me fat: go ahead and use your big words to hurt me with this one because no amount of your words can tell me what i already know. Not to mention, none of your existence will ever know what it is like to live with the disorder i live with that causes this. But for future references, i have lost 26lbs in 2 months and i am happier than i have been in 3 or 4 years.. and a lot tougher.. so go ahead and refer to my weight.. doesn't bother me!

*you called me a bitch: yeah, and..? most everyone is. but if this is the most hurtful term you can come up with, congratulations.. you succeded in not hurting my feelings as well.

*you told me i'm worthless: most of the time these are just fighting words for people who have nothing better to say! i may be worthless to you, but that is your loss, not mine. also, what does that show for you? if i'm so worthless then why are you/have you been wasting your precious time?

*oh, so you thought having someone else join in a discussion and cuss me out and deliver unnecessary low blows to hurt my feelings?: this one gets me every time! first off, if you can't handle having a discussion all on your own, then we probably shouldn't be associated with each other as it is as i only like to have argumentative discussions with adults. secondly, getting someone to your dirty work is so childish that from that point on, the rest of your argument is null and void as i no longer can take you seriously.

*you are actively trying to start rumors: ha! this one wins the gold! :) first of all, when you have to go out of your way, contact someone you supposedly cannot stand, and have a general conversation with them just to start rumors about someone else... should i even need to explain why this doesn't hurt my feelings?! lmao! if days later you go to someone so random and try to tell them that I (or anyone) has been talking trash about them.. out of the blue.. you seriously tickle my pickle! are you THAT bored with your life that you have absolutely nothing else productive to do with your time? and then one by one you pick more and more people up with some of the same stories and some different.. be careful not to mix them up, deary, or you will give yourself away! :) And also regarding rumors: if you hear one, and you don't have the decency to ask before assuming, judging, or spreading the gossip, then you are no friend of mine. And make no mistake, I am fine with that!! :) And if out of the blue someone comes to you saying that someone else is talking behind your back, and you believe the randomness knowing said person would only say this if there was some argument going on.. but you believe it anyways.. then again, when one door closes, another one opens. So long, Farewell.. More room for people that actually matter!

I am perfectly understanding and confident in my decisions to do away with people in my life whether it be face to face interaction or just facebook acquaintances. It does not matter if we have been friends for 25 years or 5 years or 3 months.. Sometimes the best thing to do is let go. That was something I have had a lot of trouble doing in the past. I have come to accept that over the past 6 months. And so far, letting go of some people/things has given me the ultimate freedom from whatever chains had been holding me back. I dont regret letting one person go that I have let go this year.

My self-esteem is way higher than it has ever been. I love my life (now that i have gotten to a place to settle down and my doctors and I have settled my health problems down). You experience bad things and good things in your life. Some people are put into your life to stay, some people are put in to your life temporarily to teach you a lesson. But the one thing i will always be proud of is my sense of honesty and truthfulness. I will fight to the end to stand up for what I believe in, and stand up to protect myself, my family, and my friends. Always.

I pick my friends very carefully. I don't trust many people at all. Over the years your list of "true" friends gets smaller and smaller. I have no doubt in my mind that my three best friends, Shannon, Tena, and Lauren are my most truest friends. All friends have arguments. All friends make mistakes. But true friends love one another no matter what. In life, all you need is your family and your friends and you are the richest person in the world. 

Be rich, my friends!
megan

meet in the middle

there are so many things i find funny that i shouldn't. the human race nowadays seems to just be there for my entertainment. the way that people act towards one another is just ridiculous. the way people treat each other, the way people treat their significant others, the way people twist and turn things around and try to use it for their benefit no matter what it costs the other person. it really makes you stop and think when someone treats you a certain way, especially if that person is supposed to be a friend.

one thing that has killed me over the past couple of years is one-sided friendships. one where you take all the initiatives to either get together, make plans, whatever it may be, and the other person doesn't really travel their half of the two way road at all! its heartbreaking when you have these realizations and you think to yourself "i thought so & so was a better person than that" or "i really thought he/she had changed". having that thought about a friend is the absolute worst! something equally just as bad is thinking "if i met this person tomorrow not knowing anything about them, would i befriend them?" and if your answer is "no", then what do you do?

well, this would be the part where i would give an answer to that question. unfortunately, i don't have one. it's not easy to drop someone you have been friends with for a long time. even if there is no bad blood, the lack of that persons presence, whether really wanted or not, is always there. 

i can, however, share a few *red flags* i have learned over the past few years that may make you aware that your friendship isn't as strong on the other persons end than you may think it is. 

-distance: the obvious red flag. when your "friend" is either physically or emotionally distant from you over time. There comes a time when you are so tired of trying to keep your friendship with someone but for no apparent reason they just aren't there anymore. I know people grow apart and go their separate ways. its part of life! but doing that doesn't mean you have to leave your friends behind.

-half-hearted girl talks: (this has happened to me a few times recently and made me question how valuable my friendship is to a certain person.) When your "friend" halfway reaches out to you (and/or your group) and makes it a point to make everyone aware that *something negative* is going on and pulls a "whoa is me" kind of act, you try to be the best friend you can and reach out, but then the other person just doesn't have time to talk, or never calls you back, etc.. after a few days of trying, you just get tired of it and think well if this was that big of a deal, he/she would/will come to me when they need me. and weeks later you are still wondering what happened that was so bad that you made a huge deal out of it in front of everyone but then won't tell what happened after days of "we will have to talk later!". That makes you question if it is yourself that isn't "good" enough or "important" enough to be told or was this whole thing just for attention! either one is a negative answer!

-apologies: when you hurt someone's feelings, especially a good friend, you apologize. period. sometimes we (as in everyone) need a few days to cool down before you speak again. this is a good idea for sure! you never want to say something so horrible or hurtful that ends your friendship and you regret for the rest of your life. words leave an impression much longer than physical pain. but when a "friend" makes comments or statements that hurt your feelings and knows he/she hurt your feelings but never comes back to apologize... red flag. especially if that friend just waits a few days or a week or so then is going to come back and just act like nothing happened... red. freakin. flag. if you love or care about someone, you apologize when you hurt them. end of story. no if's, and's, or but's about it. If you don't get an apology from someone who has hurt you, heed it as a warning and move on and if you allow the person back into your life without speaking of the incident, then tread the water carefully and don't trust that person as far as you can throw them. learned that one in the past few days.

guilt tripping: if a friend needs to guilt trip you on a regular basis to do things for them, red flag. if every time they ask you to do something they throw in a guilt phrase, red flag. guilt tripping people regularly is a horrible habit to have and even a more horrible trait to possess. friends should do things for friends when they can with no questions asked. and if whatever it is cannot be done, a friend should take your word for it, not try to guilt trip you. i have succumbed to this behavior so many times! doing things i didn't really want to do all because someone basically guilt tripped me into it. you should do things for people because you want to and not because they are making you feel so bad for not doing it. and you should respect your friends when you don't get the answer you wanted. when someone does that to me, most of the time, all it ever does is make you feel used! feeling used is a horrible place to be at in a friendship and if thats the way someone is making you feel, step back and check yourself. that is not a friendship to be in and you should not waste any more time doing anything for someone who doesn't appreciate what you do but only lays on what you don't or can't do. that is such a horrible feeling that it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it happening to me.

current events: when you know a lot about what is going on in your "friends" life, but realize they really havent a clue about a certain few situations going on in your own life that ordinarily a friend should know, red flag! this is another example of friends traveling on the two way street of friendship and one isn't doing his or her traveling. everyone needs friends they can run to when things start getting dark. and props to you if you can help lighten their world! but when you realize how much light you are bringing while you world is still dark and that person really has not shown any interest in what's going on with you, be careful! this is a very fast way to get your feelings hurt. 

basically it all comes down to this: if you are in a friendship with someone, you both work on the friendship and meet in the middle. if the other person in this relationship isn't meeting you in the middle, run. if you stick around, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, getting your feelings hurt, etc. etc. etc. 

 
aaaaaaaaand i'm over it! :) hope everyone has a great weekend!
Until then,
megan
 

Frankenstorm?

sending peace, love, and dry wishes to my friends on the east coast as they battle Hurricane Sandy! 

maybe if you stare at this long enough you can transport yourself to better weather! :)

 

vital information for your everday life

it's so easy to complain about anything. but nothing will ever get accomplished if you don't do it yourself. although this is easier said than done, you will be amazed at how changing something small can in turn change into something big. 

the neverending battle

It has been a few months shy of four years since my blood clot & pulmonary ebmbolism chapter began, but i don't know if i can ever accept that it is a chapter that will never have an ending. it could have had an ending: death. Fortunately my time on this planet was obviously not up.

here i am today and through the eyes of a doctor, i am considered "healed". and by healed i mean there are no more blood clots in my leg or lungs, nor is there an immediate threat to make anyone believe they will return. well, medical degree or not, you can tell me 9 million times a day, make me write it on a chalkboard, or tattoo it across my face for me to read in the mirror every morning, and that still would not make one bit of difference for me. 

the thoughts still come. the panic still comes. compression stockings to wear. the reminders are there daily. so why is it that the smallest abnormal pain in my leg (or could be anywhere) sends my anxiety into overload and the thoughts and fears return fresh as though the whole ordeal happened yesterday. a normal person doesn't go to bed at night with the last thought being something along the lines of "what may happen overnight" or "will i wake up tomorrow?". While most of the time these thoughts are just in passing, sometimes they are legitimately out of fear. 

For almost two weeks now, my right leg (which i refer to as my "good leg" meaning the one not affected by clots previously) has been hurting in different places. Mostly above and around my ankle. and no, i have not done anything to injur it. The aching seems to wander sometimes from my ankle through my calf and sometimes there is an aching in my hip. My calf and ankle are the worst. And after two straight days, panic started to set in. As someone who has had my fare share of sports injuries through the years, "normal megan" wouldn't think twice about these aches. but "anxiety megan" doesn't really leave room for discussion. 

I literally am causing myself to almost hallucinate that my calf and or ankle is swelling abnormally and freak out. even if i am staring at it and know it is not, i will literally check it every five minutes just to make sure. Almost OCD like. In fact, i don't know if it is even possible, but i almost feel like i have adapted OCD tendencies over these past few years. The worst is if i have to do things that actually do affect my leg. (i.e. anything involving lots of walking,standing,running,driving,dancing, etc.) i *know* my left leg is supposed to swell a little and always will, but i seriously am imagining that my right leg is swelling as well! its getting ridiculous!

these aches are honestly probably nothing more than all my old injuries catching up to me and is probably being caused by the weather changes lately. there is no swelling. no bruises. no cuts. nothing. yet panic sets in regardless. and when i say panic, i don't mean like a flash or a wave of emotion that comes and goes. i'm talking breathing stops, chest tightens, physical pain in my chest and ribs, and depending on the day sometimes a headache. it comes on in an instant and requires immediate attention. Most of the time i am in situations where handling it is no problem. i just have to allow myself to breathe and take a couple of pills and wait for them to kick in. i've gotten so used to it that usually i can handle the instant "whoosh", as i call it, and sometimes fight through it for a little while and take some medicine when i can. But sometimes its so prevalent that it is extremely hard to ignore! 

"it gets better with time" is one of my most hated sayings. because it's not true. it doesn't get better, it just becomes another normalcy of your day to day life and you deal with it. some days are worse than others. one of the hardest parts is not having anyone that really understands.. "oh i've had a panic attack before so I understand".. no offense, but no you don't. your whole perspective on life changes when something like this happens to a person. i guess that would be why it is called "post traumatic stress disorder". No one warned me that the "post traumatic" part can last a lot longer (YEARS longer) than the days/weeks/months immediately following your incident. sigh.. 

i have always been a believer of "everything happens for a reason". i guess this happened to me for a reason, i just hope that one day i find out what it is. Maybe it was just a test of personal strength to show myself that i am stronger than i was giving myself credit for.. Who knows.. I just know it is a sucky situation dealing with this anxiety and i have serious respect for others who also have to endure something similar. 

Until then,
megan

Tempter Tantrum Time!

i am so 100% absolutely done with the disrespect in this building where i work. it's impossible to hold a conversation with someone without being interrupted. and once the interruption happens, well, you can just go ahead and move on because that person is NOT coming back to the conversation. it's just absolutely ridiculous. 

anyone who knows my family knows that it is absolutely no secret that my younger sister is favored for anything 9 times out of 10. I honestly think that if i did not work in the same building as my mother that i would never talk to her. hell, we work in the office next to each other and i am rarely able to talk to her. she never has time to talk to me, but will drop e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the minute my sister or her husband calls. its absolutely ridiculous, not to mention the fact that its so heartbreaking. i've tried to tell me mother one story for over three weeks now. three weeks. but any time i try i'm either interrupted, or she's too busy. now, trying to call her at home.. that's even worse. you might as well call the white house and ask for the president because you will have a better chance at holding his attention.

i think this plays part in why i never want to talk about things. all of the time i just get blown off like whatever i am saying just doesn't matter. it's been that way for a looooong time. it doesn't matter if the subject is work related, home related, relationship related, friend related, family related... it's all the same. all the time. it's no wonder i feel the way i do.

How can I change that? I can't. you might be able to, but I can't. it must be in the DNA because i've tried talking to my mother about it and nothing changes. the same goes with my sister. every argument we have had over the past few years is about the same exact thing. all it comes down to is me wanting to spend time with my family. but unbeknownst to me, that is apparently only on THEIR time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. however, apparently the only thing that seems to get my moms (or my sisters for the matter) attention is to throw a tantrum like a freaking 2 year old. i just want my own family. i want to do things my way and be the leader instead of the quiet girl in the corner.

until then,
megan

Every day is a new one.

They say every day is a new one

But I’m still stuck in yesterday

The clock moves forward

The calendar pages, too

But why can’t I let go?

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me

Or why I feel the way I do

Honesty, communication, love…

Those are the keys

Something is still missing

Is it too much to want more?

Am I asking for too much from you?

A simple conversation could make my day

Instead I ride along

Silent

Dreaming

Maybe tomorrow?

Every day is a new one

Keep on keepin on..

Ever find yourself completely just lost in everything around you? So lost that you can't even understand why you feel the way you do? I'm so lost that i'm turning to this blog that I have not touched since February. Where did things go off track? Why did I lose my love for writing? Why is it every time I have something to say I have no idea how to say it?

I'm not even sure what I am looking for or what I want to say. All around me things have gotten better. Joey and I have moved into our very own house, so the drama with the one who doesn't deserve to be called by name is over. Although I still hope she rots in hell and will probably laugh when her own daughter ends up pregnant or something because she has one of the laziest most selfish mothers i have ever met in my entire life. I should feel bad for saying that, but honestly i don't. You know what they say, karma is a bitch! 

Anywho. Things are going great with the new house. But it still feels empty. I feel as if I'm there alone all the time. I feel like I have more conversations with our dogs than I do with humans. I feel like i try to make that aspect better, but words go in one ear and out the other. I'm not a materialistic person. I don't ask for much and I don't expect anything. But I feel like a toddler ready to throw a temper tantrum for attention. But I don't even know what kind of attention I am thriving for. I don't know what it is that I want or need. And the few things that I know would help.. well, let's just say you can only ask or express your feelings so many times before you realize no matter how hard you blow and blow and blow, that brick house is not going to come down.

How can you fix something when you don't even know what it is that needs to be fixed? 

Since the move in August, things have been extremely busy and stressful. I felt like getting out of town was the best way to refresh. Lucky for me I had three trips planned in September and October. While each trip was fun, especially to New Orleans and a weekend with family in Middle Tennessee, the cloud still looms. In addition to going out of town to refresh, I have also been working on myself, trying to get myself back to "Happy Megan" the way I used to be. I've lost 18lbs so far and counting! Not even that seems to be enough anymore. 

So I guess the question is what next? Well maybe that's why i decided to start writing again. I'm determined to get everything out of life that I can. I'm determined to do as much good as possible and help as many people as possible. But that may be my problem. Sometimes i wonder if i wallow in self pity because I don't let others help me. I'm always so worried about this person or this person that I never really stop and worry about myself. I'm starting to think that over time I have been so worried about making sure a certain person is happy that I have built up all this baggage inside and that's why I cannot really pinpoint one thing that is causing me to feel so down lately. I can flip that switch with the best of them and hide it all. I know that's not healthy to do but I guess you don't always realize you are doing it until the baggage is overflowing. I guess we will see what happens!

Until then.
Megan

Megapalooza Twenty Twelve! [[Part 1]]

 Luckily my birthday fell on Mardi Gras weekend this year! Shannon and I took off for Louisiana to throw down. And throw down we did! I had such an amazing time! My sister and her friend were able to come! I got to spend time with cousins and my Godson, Tristan, my birth mom and family, and other friends! We went to parades and house parties and so much happened it's crazy! Everything went well except for one part which i refuse to waste anymore time being sad over. If you read my former blog, you know what situation happened at Mardi Gras last year. But in my heart I know I did what was right, and if you cannot respect my feelings, then blood was never thicker than water for you! But all that aside, I had a great birthday! Here are some pictures from Megapalooza Part 1! ((Part 2 is this coming weekend!))

My godsister, me, & my older sister!

Brandy, Annie, Shannon, & I.. Supamannn!

love these girls!

hahaha our take ONE year later!

me & my Godson Tristan!

someone got a hold of a purple cupcake! :)

 26 was a great birthday!! Cant wait for Part 2 when I celebrate with my friends this weekend!! :)

Tatum Maris & Grayson James!

I wanted to take a moment to welcome Miss Tatum Maris Reed into the world! She was born on 2/21/12! Mommy and baby are doing great! Congratulations to Sloane on becoming a Mom again & congratulations to Adam on becoming a big brother! :)

I'm also completely late on this one, but due to issues (which i will explain in another blog) I have not been up to writing lately. On February 15, the Walker family welcomed a little baby, Grayson James, into the world. Only, they welcomed this little angel into the world knowing they would only have a short time with him. Grayson James had a rare birth defect called Anencephaly.(definition below). He lived for about 8 hours after birth before becoming an Angel in God's arms.

The Walker Family: Patrick, Noah, Heather, Grayson, & Ellie.

My friend Patrick holding his baby Grayson. This picture speaks volumes.

What is so special about this story is the faith and strength this family had throughout this pregnancy. Most women will terminate the pregnancy when they find out, but Heather & Patrick turned to their faith to help them get through this and carried baby Grayson to term knowing they could not take him home. This story has caught the attention of so many people. I truly admire and am inspired by the strength this family has. Rest in peace, little Grayson. <3

[You can read about their journey on Heathers Blog: oursweetboygraysonjames.blogspot.com]

[[Thank you to Patrick and Heather for sharing your amazing story with the world! May god Bless you and watch over you through this hard time! <3]]



Anencephaly is a defect in the closure of the neural tube during fetal development. The neural tube is a narrow channel that folds and closes between the 3rd and 4th weeks of pregnancy to form the brain and spinal cord of the embryo. Anencephaly occurs when the "cephalic" or head end of the neural tube fails to close, resulting in the absence of a major portion of the brain, skull, and scalp. Infants with this disorder are born without a forebrain (the front part of the brain) and a cerebrum (the thinking and coordinating part of the brain). The remaining brain tissue is often exposed--not covered by bone or skin. A baby born with anencephaly is usually blind, deaf, unconscious, and unable to feel pain. Although some individuals with anencephaly may be born with a rudimentary brain stem, the lack of a functioning cerebrum permanently rules out the possibility of ever gaining consciousness. Reflex actions such as breathing and responses to sound or touch may occur.

New phone! New service!

Posting a blog from my new iPhone! :) switched from T-mobile to verizon & already I am extremely happy!! It no longer takes 15 minutes for me to navigate through a website! happy happy happy!! New blogs to come on Monday! :)

Keeping up with technology!

FINALLY GOT A TABLET!!

 I bought the Asus Eee Pad Transformer. It is amazing! We have one computer at home, and it is Joeys! And he is usually on it looking up stuff for his racing and what not! And i really have no need for an actual computer! Just something to play around on and something to be able to use the internet on! Everything else is a bonus! The only thing I have right now is my phone (which is a piece of shhh) and my service is horrible (SHOUT OUT TO T-MOBILE!). So this works perfectly! Large screen, great graphics, super fast, Android Honeycomb, easy to carry around! What more could you want??

I chose this over the IPad mainly because apple doesnt support Adobe Flash, which most websites use. Also, you can add more memory to this with a memory card where as the IPad you cannot. The dock/Keyboard you can buy is super awesome as well! With the keyboard attached it doubles the battery life as well as the memory and gives extra USB slots. Over all a great buy!!

p.s. This also means I can do more blogging! :) I won't have to wait until I have downtime at work!

Speaking of starting fresh

As 2011 came to a close I was so ready to ring in the new year! i was full of hope that 2012 would be my year! Joey & I had just moved into a house that we were going to rent for about a year and then start the process of trying to buy a house. We moved in in October. First week of January, i get a facebook message (not even the courtesy of a phone call) that the house was going into foreclosure. i'm not going into details, but fact of the matter is, we got screwed over. in the worst way. So Joey and I have currently started the process of getting a house. However, we have a few things that need to be worked on on our credit, but we are well on our way and extremely close! Hopefully in just a couple of months we will be where we need to be to get a loan! In the mean time, lets just hope we don't get a note on our front door telling us we have to vacate immediately! :/

I'm actually quite proud of myself. I suffer from severe anxiety and despite the physical pain and emotional breakdowns I have had, I'm actually handling this quite well. I have managed to keep my spirits up for the most part. I owe most of that to Joey. His reassurance that everything will be okay comforts me in the best way. With everything negative going on, it warms my heart to know Joey and I will get through this together and come out stronger on the other side. 

Even thought the situation is horrible, I guess to be a little more positive I could look at the situation as we are completely starting fresh. Whatever house we end up in will be our own forever. The worst part is not knowing how long before we will be forced to leave, so hopefully we can get everything situated and leave on our own terms. I have faith everything will work out for the better! 

Here's to another year..

Here's to starting fresh..

Hello world! :) It has been a quick minute since I quit blogging. So i decided to start fresh! New Year! New blog! New ideas! This blog will be a little more random than my last one. I love writing, so what better way than to start blogging again! Also, 2012 has turned up a pretty crappy start so far, so i need distractions! First blog post coming later today!